Nurse 1:
The first thing I remember is … we kind of got this high alert message. And I don't think that at that time we knew that it was going to be hitting us so soon. But I think that was the moment that it really got real.
Nurse 2:
We had heard it in the news and everything was overseas and wasn't really hitting here in Saratoga, but when we got those emails and I remember that it started to feel real. And then it hit.
Nurse 3:
I can remember the first patient in the ICU … and I can remember where the patient was and who the nurse was.
Nurse 2:
I think everybody who walked onto the floor for the first time, seeing all the doors shut, the drawers outside the room with all of our PPE in it. It made you feel unsure of yourself and what was going to happen.
On the med surg floor, typically most Covids are able to come. They come into the med surg floor, obviously they're sick enough. Some of them where they had to go straight to the ICU, but a lot of them come to med surg floors, and it's crazy how many patients would end up in the ICU within, some of them within hours, some of them within the next day, a couple days. And then we wait for them to come back to us - and they didn't.
Nurse 3:
Working in critical care you know that you will see death, you will see people who will lose their battle. You will see people pass away and that's not easy, but that's a part of the job and we had a lot of loss and our ICU is 19 beds and you could count maybe there would be eight, nine, 10, 11 COVID patients and that's half of our ICU.
You would see when people get really, really, really sick by COVID, and when they end up in an ICU, they end up on a ventilator. Some of them were chemically paralyzed to make them synchronous with the ventilator. Their chance of survival is not high. People were having a really tough time. And at that point it seems like, okay, we're six, seven, eight months into this. Maybe we should be accustomed to it. And we weren't because these are people.
I think, as a team, we really supported each other
Nurse 1:
We all had to look out for each other and still do.
And you're genuinely, genuinely concerned for your peers, wondering how they're doing. I think everyone's really pulled together. We have an awesome team that there's many days that I think I wouldn't do this, or I couldn't do this without them because everyone kind of has everyone's back. It's always when you leave work, you're like, okay, I don't have to think about work, but that's not true. That doesn't really happen. You're always concerned and thinking about how everyone is holding up here.
it was predicted that we were going to have a nursing shortage long before COVID even happened. But obviously it's been exacerbated by the pandemic, with people leaving, people choosing to do different careers. And then certainly, you're faced with people that are out sick with COVID themselves or caring for a family member that has COVID. So the shortage is a lot of stress on one, any given day.
Nurse 3:
It's not just that we've lost nurses, but we've lost really good ones. … People that really care about their patients and kind of put their heart and soul into what they do. So that's been hard. It's hard. It's more than just losing numbers.
From early 2020 to now, early 2022, I think we're somewhat more comfortable caring for COVID patients. I think we're more familiar with the medications and kind of the course of treatment. I think we feel somewhat more protected being vaccinated, being boosted. I think we probably feel a little bit more confident and comfortable giving care.
Another thing is that emotions have changed. I think nurses are tired and I don't really like the term burnt out, but I think nurses feel defeated. I think we feel like by this point we should be doing better. Our numbers should be lower.
Nurse 1:
I think the lack of vaccination has led to that significantly.
I think in some ways I think the vaccine has made us a little bit divided.
I was thinking about it … as I came in to give monoclonals. And the criteria for monoclonals has changed because of the shortages of the drug on hand. And the people that are now qualifying are the people that are unvaccinated. And in some ways, I'm angry, like, I'm mad that I'm going into work to give this to somebody who didn't help themselves first.
When I walk in and see a patient, and we're trained as nurses, that you have to deal with what's in front of you. I mean, you can't think about what the patient didn't do or could have done differently. You need to help them. It's innate within us that we want to help somebody. I remind myself that that's somebody's mom or somebody's dad or somebody's sister and they didn't make the right choice and they're here, and we have to help them. But it's also an opportunity to provide education to somebody and open up that dialogue and say let me tell you what I know about vaccines.
Nurse 2:
You do, you start thinking, you don't have to be here. I mean, there was a very good chance if you had got vaccinated, your symptoms would not be so severe, but when they are, and they're right in front of you, that does get pushed to the side. You want to do what's best because they are your patients,
Some of them still don't believe they actually have COVID. However, they're sitting in front of me, but some of them do reflect on their decisions.
Nurse 1:
There was a patient I was treating yesterday and he had not been vaccinated. Before he was leaving, said, "do you think I should get the vaccine?" I was like, absolutely, you need to protect yourself.
Nurse 3:
I think one thing from the beginning of the pandemic, where there wasn't a vaccine, to now there is, I think we all thought this was going to be kind of a turning point when the vaccine came out.
And I think we thought, okay, finally, it's here. We can move on from COVID, we can get vaccinated, and we can move on. I would've never have predicted that so many people would be hesitant to get it.
Nurse 2:
I try not to listen to the news, but it's everywhere on social media, and the news and how people feel and how people think that this is, you know, a ruse and I don't know if we'll ever really end this pandemic and will it get better? Yes sure, I hope so. But I really, eight months ago, I really thought that we were going to get to a place a lot sooner than we are going to get.
We think a lot about what's going on here at the hospital when we're not here.
Nurse 3:
I think we've become somewhat accustomed to the stress. You know, I think, all of this, it seems to almost give you a new threshold, like a new tolerance for what's stressful. But I think we've kind of learned to manage stress. I try to just enjoy my days off, I try to enjoy my time with my kids, with my family and I try to keep my mind off of it as much as you can. But you don't, as much as, do we text each other and ask, how's the unit. Yeah, I did it yesterday.
I just want to know, what am I walking into? Because you don't know, it could be four, it could be twelve, the unit could be mostly full with COVID. And we're curious, I think that's kind of what we've been doing for two years. So you try to get away and take your time off, but you do still wonder, it's a big part of our lives right now. And also we ask about patients.
We care about these people. It's really hard to take care of someone who's in their thirties or forties and to think maybe they're on the brink of death and then to go home and forget about that. You don't.
I think personally, we also, we look at people differently. I think, during this pandemic we've certainly learned a lot about the virus and how we take care of these patients. But I think we've learned a lot about ourselves and our teamwork, but really about other people and kind of what are the lengths that people are willing to go to, to protect each other.
So when I come to work and I see someone so sick with COVID, that they're on a ventilator or that they're, maybe not going to make it and then on the flip side, you see someone who's not willing to wear a mask to go into a store. And it just makes me think a little bit differently, kind of about, people, and the way that we care for each other and kind of what we're willing to do to make this better. Like, are we willing to kind of alter, our comfort level, our lifestyle to care for people that we don't know to care for the greater good, are we willing to sacrifice something to, for the greater good?
Nurse 2:
I dunno I just feel like we felt more the small joys if you will, a year ago. It's been a really rough fall, beginning of the winter and I just, I'm still looking for those small joys right now.
Nurse 1:
I can remember having a patient who was going to die and we wanted his daughters and his wife to come. And I believe the answer was they could come for 15 minutes.
Nurse 3:
I think a lot of times we pushed it, we said, okay, we would let them stay a little bit longer, that was the right thing to do to give the man a little time, with his wife, with his daughters and he did pass away, he did the next day.
I can remember crying that day. I can remember many nurses kind of breaking down that day because it was when we had a lot of loss.
Nurse 2:
The fact that we now allow them to come and visit, and people are not saying goodbye over an iPad. That's a joy, as much as it can be, and families are really grateful.
Nurse 3:
I think outside of the hospital setting, there's certainly some things, did come from the pandemic that are good. I think people spent more time with family. I think people spent more time outdoors. I think people kind of slowed down a little bit. You know, people sort of, some people changed their outlook. People were able to work from home. So I think in that sense it did bring some light to people's lives.
Nurse 2:
You know, the community has really been supportive of us and now we need them to do their part and get the vaccine.
Nurse 3:
I often wish that people who don't understand who haven't seen it, I wish they could come to work with us. I wish they could see what we see because to us, it's clear that this is a threat. Even if your risk is small, you don't want to be that person on the other side of that glass, who's struggling to breathe. You don't.
My hope is just that people would look at statistics and data and studies and make their decision based on that and not on what they see on social media or what they hear from their friends. Because I think that's what we hear when people get really sick, we hear people having regret. And I think people think that their risk is low, but if they were able to see what we see, they would understand that even if the risk is low, it's there and it's scary. It's terrifying.
If your risk is 2%, it doesn't feel like 2% to the person who's in that room, isolated for weeks on end struggling to survive.
And I think this wave of the pandemic, has reached the young people and it's gotten them really sick and more so than in the beginning, we've seen young people die.
We had a father and son pass away who were 27 and 57, unvaccinated. And to look at them and think, maybe this was preventable. I mean, they lost two of their family members. They lost half of their family to COVID and they were young.
I think it's been difficult for us to kind of watch this progress and to think that this was a light and then it turns out it's maybe not
So to me, this part of the pandemic where the vaccine is available and some have chosen not to get has been more difficult because you tend to look at this and say maybe this was preventable.
Nurse 1:
I think that the nurses on our units have become stronger nurses. I think that the patients that we keep on the floor, two years ago, they would've been in ICU. We've learned a lot through the pandemic
The staff is still incredible. So proud of them. They truly care.
I think leadership has been very supportive. Certainly, our director has been incredible, but …. There's only much that you can say when you're in it. I think you relate to the people that are working side by side, you kind of just share that same bond and you know what the other person's going through and it helps you get through the day.
Nurse 2:
It's nice to know that you have friends that you work with. I think that helps. I'm looking at one.
Back in 2020, everybody was … looking up to frontline workers and healthcare workers, and we were heroes. And really, I think none of us really could wrap our heads around being called a hero. I still don't feel like a hero. If I could say anything to anybody right now, if you are unvaccinated, go and get vaccinated, you become the hero. Be somebody else's hero. You may not get a thank you. You may not hear that, but somewhere, somebody will actually be thanking you.
The tools are out there, the tools being the vaccine and the booster, they're available. And wouldn't it be great if everybody just did the right thing.
Nurse 3:
This has been a long road.